BREAKING NEWS! The Association of Cedar Hill Youth Basketball Players (AOCHYBP) accused of having unfair advantage over teams in other districts due to the wearing of player ID badges on the court. According to long time youth basketball coach, Ken Riffle, “Youth basketball will never be the same after this genius implementation. We’ve never had better team camaraderie. The players know each other’s names and can now immediately recognize each other on the court. We like that.”
According to a recent study done by a local University, preteens are at a disadvantage when it comes to facial recognition, for some reason. In the study, two groups of preteens had their facial recognition skills put to the test. In Group A, preteens were each shown a picture of a close relative in a basketball uniform. Nearly 45% of participants in Group A were unable to recognize who the individual was. The remaining 55% were able to name the relative correctly but did so in question form (Uncle Ray?). In Group B, preteens were also shown a picture of a close relative in a basketball uniform. This time, though, the relatives were wearing ID badges. Astonishingly, Group B participants were able to recognize their relatives with complete accuracy across the board. Due to the amazing findings of this study, AOCHYBP implemented the ID badges leaving teams in other districts in complete confusion on the court.
After seeing the overwhelming success of the AOCHYBP teams, other districts have decided to also make this implementation to avoid further confusion of their players. They noticed that the players have grown seemingly worse at being able to recognize their teammates while Cedar Hill players grow more and more advanced. Coach Marcel Smith said, “We just can’t keep up with these Cedar Hill players. It’s as if they are full of magical wonder. I’ve never seen it before. I know it’s because of those ID badges.”
Here are a few remarks from some of the youth players in Cedar Hill:
“I’ve never been able to recognize my teammates on the court. It was starting to seriously stress me out. I couldn’t eat, I couldn’t sleep, I couldn’t even look in the mirror out of fear of not being able to recognize my own face! Not anymore. Thanks to these new ID badges, I can definitely recognize my own face.” – Steven McKinney
“My coach says I’m not a loser anymore! Mom and dad agree.” – Jeremy Dom
“I think the ID badges make me more handsome, too. Watch out world! I’ma steel ya girlfriend.” – Henry C. Palomar (Shown in Picture Above)
*Details contained within this writing are fictional and are not intended to represent any particular party’s interests, agendas or views.*